Fugly Shoes

I remember these boots.

They may have been a different brand – I’m not sure, nor do I care. It’s not relevant. Back in the mid-2000s, when the recession hadn’t hit and Paris Hilton was kind of relevant and anyone would wear anything with a designer logo on it, these fuzzy moon boot things were popular. Then the economy collapsed and we realized that people who wear stuff like this look like morons, and everyone stopped for a while.

Well, apparently someone is trying to convince us that the Mou Goatskin Cowboy Boots are a good idea again. They’re not. Unequivocally. These boots have been lurking in the background for years, and that’s where they need to stay.

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Dear UGG,

You and I have had a few good years together. I enjoyed your Classic Short Boots first as a college student, and then as a lazy blogger who doesn’t always get completely dressed every day. I know that people hate you, but I’ve tried to offer meek defenses when they talked smack and you weren’t around to respond. Your shoes are utilitarian and comfortable, and the simple ones really aren’t that ugly in muted tones like grey or black.

But now you’ve seen fit to create the UGG Australia Fringe Cardy Wool Boots, and I don’t think that I can take your side any longer. This footwear monstrosity can only be described as blasphemous against both god and fashion, and also maybe against my eyeballs. They kind of hurt, and I think these boots are to blame. I’ll send you the doctor bill.

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