First of all, I’d like to say that I’m not an UGG hater. I have a pair of the regular grey boots for wear around the house (my building is old, it tends to get a little drafty in the winter) and a pair of rain and snow UGGs that you’d never guess were made by the company if no one told you, and both pairs suit their purposes just fine. In general, I think the company makes lots of functional, reasonably attractive footwear and slippers that get overshadowed by a few pairs of not-particularly-attractive fuzzy boots and the people hell-bent on wearing them with everything in their closets, year-round.

I’m also not one of those people who thinks that everyone’s wedding has to be the same, or even that it has to be tasteful. If you’re shelling out that much money to throw a party, make it whatever you want it to be! Go right ahead! But just don’t, DON’T, wear the new UGG Wedding Boots while you get married, ok? Promise me that?

Theoretically, I suppose that this collection, which is comprised of a sequin-covered boot, a metallic leather boot with a giant “diamond” closure button and a very fluffy flip-flop, is probably intended to be worn during bridal preparations. You know, all of the extremely girly running around that goes on – hair appointments, nail appointments, makeup appointments, whatever. These shoes are probably supposed to be paired with those bright pink customized sweatsuits that say “Mrs. Whoever” on the butt. Do yourself a favor, though, and on the day you go out into the world to start a family of your own, dress like a grown woman. Wear real shoes. And real clothes, too. Or if you must, just wear the UGGs that you already have.

Both boots, named the “Sparkles I Do!” and “Bailey Bling I Do!,” both retail for $225 via UGGAustralia.com. The “Fluff Flip Flop I Do!,” on the other hand, retails for $80.