As with many shoes that take on a silhouette similar to the Casadei T-Bar Sandals (that’s such an innocuous name, is it not?), I may not personally like them, but their existence certainly makes the footwear world a more interesting place. The Italian brand is known for its exuberant sexiness and in-your-face high heels adorned with patterns, rhinestones and everything else that you can think of, and as far as embellishments go, I guess that a heel that can double as an ice pick is pretty convenient.

What’s more interesting, though, is that anyone thought to make a pair of platforms befitting a Professional Pole Technician in the image of the wood-heeled clog, which may, in fact, be the least sexy style of shoes this side of Crocs. Whatever drugs that person was taking, I’d like to buy some. They clearly make the world a fascinating place.

Who would even wear this shoe? A stripper named Heidi with long, blonde braided pigtails? I can’t even think of another joke answer to that question, that’s how, err, taste-specific these shoes are. They sure are entertaining to think about, though, and that always counts for something. Buy through Luisa Via Roma for $956.