Sometimes, you look at an object and you just know who should own it. Some kind of weird pop-culture synapse deep within your brain lights up, things add up perfectly, and you’re instantly overcome with the knowledge that you’re exactly right.

That just happened to me with Paris Hilton and the Giuseppe Zanotti Crystal-Embellished Suede Boots. I wish my epiphany had been about something more highbrow and intellectual, but I guess they can’t all be thoughts about Baudrillard and the nature of reality. For the moment, I’m quite content in my conclusion about these shoes and the person who must own them. I’ll work on having important thoughts later.

Not only must Paris Hilton own these shoes, but she is, in fact, the only person on the planet who should own them. Without a ridiculous celebrity personality with which to pair them, they’re kind of repugnant. The light pink color combined with the suede makes the shoes look almost fluffy, and the rhinestones look a little cheap when used sparsely on such a twee background. They’d look right at home on Paris’s hooves, and perhaps those of Katie Price, but everyone else should steer clear. Buy through Net-a-Porter for $1580.