Ladies, I want you to know that, first and foremost, I respect your right to an UGG Boot. Really, I do. I own two pairs myself: a pair of hardcore snow boots that aren’t immediately identifiable as UGGs and a pair of grey Classic Short Boots that you can spot a mile away as being from the much-reviled snuggly footwear brand. I like both pairs equally, and they both have a spot in my closet and many others. What shouldn’t have a spot anywhere, though, are the UGG Classic Sparkles Camo Boots.
It’s a rare thing that I proclaim a shoe shouldn’t exist at all. I can almost always imagine a scenario in which even a bad design might work, if styled correctly and if on the foot of the exact right woman. Unfortunately, the only foot that these boots would look appropriate on is that of a small girl, but these boots are made with adult woman in mind. As far as sizing goes, that is.
Not only are these boots sequin-covered, but they’re double-sided sequins. That means, of course, that a swipe of the hand can change the color of wide swaths of the boot at a time, which is an idea that was first popularized by Dolce & Gabbana several years ago. Not only is this oh-so-rococo idea totally dated in an era of chic minimalism, but on the stumpy, fluffy UGG boots, it never had a chance of looking grown-up in the first place. By all means, buy a totally comfy pair of UGGs in which to run errands and trot around your house. Just don’t buy these. (On the other hand, if you have an adorable little daughter with enormous feet, you can pick her up a pair via Bloomingdale’s for $190.