Just kidding. This isn’t really even a game, is it? The only correct answer for this week’s Fill in the Blank is “an abomination against god and humanity,” so there’s not really any point in continuing here. Still, I’m sure that you guys will have some even more creative ways to describe the Marc by Marc Jacobs Cutout Sneaker Wedges, and I’m looking forward to reading them.

But seriously. You guys. These might be one of the most horrific pairs of expensive shoes I’ve ever seen. I can dismiss a bad pair of $50 kicks, because it’s likely that little design time went into them anyway. For over $300 hard-earned dollars, though, I’m going to need something that’s better that misshappen bumblegum lumps that are supposed to go on the end of my feet.

There’s no modernity or ingenuity here. I’m not a fan of sneaker wedges in general, but I’ve seen the trend done well. These, on the other hand, are needlessly bulky and feature poorly conceived cutouts in an effort to make them somehow more spring-appropriate. First of all, sneakers are plenty spring-appropriate while fully intact. Second…I don’t even think I have a second point. These shoes have me all upset and flustered.

Feel free to work out the angst that they surely give you in the comments, or if you’re I haven’t been able to convince you otherwise, pick up a pair for $328 via Bloomingdale’s.